Won't Fade Away
by ASummerBreeze
Summary: In her reality, the human Doctor has died from common illness, leaving Rose Tyler with two children and a normal life to get through. Somewhere in time, the Tardis senses her agony, and the Doctor cannot leave her again. Post Wedding of River Song. First DW fic, please review!
1. Lament

Won't Fade Away

Chapter One

Lament

AN-

This is my very first stab at WhoFic. I've been watching the modern series for years now but I realize talking to role players I write with, that there's so much about the background of this series that I don't know…That said, please, if I make any mistakes, let me know. Flaming just makes us all upset, and as the Doctor was once forced to say (via Cassandra) "No matter how difficult the situation, there is NO need to shout!"

* * *

Rose was reminded in a stabbing way that he had been brought to her to prevent this pain. The Doctor, her second one, had brought him because he was part human and he needed to heal from the angry pain that had created him, the way that 9 and 10 had with her. And he had, he had flourished in this world. He had opened a little shop and sold silly little knick knacks, it wasn't a money machine but they loved it. He went by the name John and they married the spring after his arrival, with the whole white dress and gold rings and a few traditions from Gallifrey that brought tears to his beautiful brown eyes.

By the next year Rose was expecting a child, and for a long while, several scary months in fact, he had been afraid that the baby, stronger than her and too innocent to know the pain he inflicted, might really harm her. But she pulled through like a champion, and he was desperately smitten with their child. In his youth, with his first great love, he had had daughters, and having a son had showed him several new joys of parenthood. They called him Michael, a name they both agreed on, Michael Theta Tyler. A year after his birth, they welcomed Johanna Sigma Tyler, and life, for a while, at least, was perfect.

The world they lived in was invaded twice and he gathered the best militaries and alien savvy minds to fight, and for that, was seen as a hero. In the seven short years they spent together, he somehow managed to give her both a normal life and a taste of what had brought them together, and in that time it had never occurred to her that the Doctor he had been born from had never lived on that planet mingling with others for any long period of time. He had never grown immune to illnesses that most humans became immune to and he had never had a human vaccine. Because for those seven years, they had thought he was invincible. Human, aging, but a Time Lord nonetheless. A little sickness made sense, the humanity in him was affected, but one winter he never got better. It started with a cough and some congestion and that turned into pneumonia. He spent weeks in hospital, and when Rose could finally take him home, she thought he had seen the worst of illness that he would.

They took the children to Germany the following spring on holiday. And when they got back, the Doctor felt ill again. Fearing a second bout of pneumonia, Rose hurried him to the emergency room, where they quickly learned that instead he had been afflicted by the measles. He suffered through the spots and the fever and the pain for three days before his airway closed up and the doctors told her they couldn't do anything else for him. When they brought her to him they had already removed the tube they had placed down his throat, and all the wires and sticks were gone too. He looked serene, but paler, sat up in his bed. He had died when they had taken him to the operating room to try and work on his airway, and it had only taken thirteen dreadful seconds for his heart to stop after it began to arrest. Lying in that bed, holding him, brushing fingers through brown, messy locks, she desperately begged for him to regenerate.

But he did not. The funeral home came for him shortly after and they held a viewing three days later. He looked more flush, although, Rose knew it was from the makeup. Jackie held her and they cried and the children stood next to her with sad eyes and silence as they stood testament to this terrible day. Previously, the Doctor had told her that Time Lords preferred to be cremated but when it came down to deciding, she couldn't bear the thought of him being burnt up and bought him a plot near a little duck pond in the closest cemetery. The stone was to come soon, had to be engraved, but Rose had tearfully helped design it, "JOHN SMITH. BELOVED HUSBAND AND FATHER, GONE TOO SOON."

And so, people from all over this world came to mourn him with her on the day of his actual funeral and burial. And men she had scarcely spoken to carried his coffin from her home near Bad Wolf Bay to the little plot she had selected for him. They buried him at dusk, and Johanna sang a song he had taught her in his native tongue, bringing Rose to tears all over again. She had met the Doctor as a girl, only 19 years old and fragile as ever, but now, she was a woman. A widow, a mother. She scooped the children up close once it was all over and they slept in their parents' bed with her that entire week, getting up only when necessary, huddled in his familiar scent with Rose.

A part of her expected that the real Doctor would have joined them immediately. After all, James had been a part of him. A half of him, really. When a week passed and nothing happened, she gave up all hope on the Doctor and Time Lords and space travel and the idea that somewhere, deep down inside of him, she was loved. The children went back to school with trepidation, and several scheduled visits with their guidance counselor, and Rose quietly withdrew from her job, deciding to take some time to herself with the savings they had built, just until she could leave the house without feeling overwhelmed.

The first night after Michael and Johanna returned to school, she tucked them into her bed and went outside, sitting on the back patio that he had paved with his own hands. A cup of tea in her own, she gazed up at the stars and sighed, mournfully. "Reality be damned, Doctor, where are you?"

* * *

There were times when the Tardis literally just took him somewhere. He didn't have any input, or any control once She was moving and usually, it drove him mad. It was as if She was alerted to some event or distress call somewhere, and took off toward it. Later, he would realize in this case, it was because of the bond she had formed with Rose when she had absorbed all of that energy and acted as The Bad Wolf.

He rode out the flight jumping from the computers and the thingy-majigs, yelling out for her to stop, until suddenly, with a blow that nearly wrought him unconscious, She stopped. The Doctor had fallen onto his bum and looked up and around himself inside of her sturdy walls and felt loss deep in his gut that he could not explain. Something terrible had happened. Standing on shaking legs, he slowly crept to the doors and peered out of them. He expected blackness, he expected death and pain and he was shocked to find Bad Wolf Bay staring back at him, but it was not as he had left it in his Tenth form, there was loss hanging so thick in the air he was sure he would have to cut through.

With a gasp, he realized that being there was incredibly dangerous, and he shot from the doors to the computers again to figure out how long he had before the world collapsed on itself, but it kept telling him the same thing. Stable. He didn't understand it, it was completely against all of the rules, but for some reason, he had been brought here for a certain reason. Perhaps James had finished his Tardis, after all, he had no way of figuring out how much time had passed just by the beach. He would have to see their faces to know that.

Popping the Tardis key into his pocket he warned Her not to move, and slowly inched outside until his feet, numb with paranoia, touched the sand. Half expecting to fall through the earth itself, he stood with his knees bent and eyes squeezed shut until he realized that nothing had happened, and if a human were to happen upon him, he would look rather ridiculous. Opening his eyes, he realized all was seemingly well, but frighteningly quiet. The scenery had changed very little, but something small caught his eye, and he approached the shoreline ever so slowly, and dropped to his knees in the rolling tide with reverence he didn't yet understand as he picked up the shriveled, yellowed wreath that was once made of beautiful white roses. Attached, a card, that was written in a language he had nearly forgotten over the millennia.

'Papa, we will miss you ever so much. Jo, Michael and Mummy.'

The Tardis began to pull him back, and he clutched the wreath to him as he made a run for it as she wheezed and started to get on her way. He made it through the doors just in time, as always, and fell back on the floor with the wreath in his arms, gasping for his breath. He didn't know why, but it brought him some strange sort of comfort. Made the loss easier to bear. Even though he had yet to discover what that loss was.

He hoped James wouldn't tell him it was what he was afraid it might be.

She didn't take him from the world this time, just to another country here, to England. And it was even gloomier than the last place he had seen them. There were white ribbons tied all around the trees and telephone poles, and people were trudging about the streets with sad faces and heavy hearts. He wanted to ask someone, but never got around to it. A few blocks from the house that James and Rose undoubtedly lived in, he found a little park, and on a bench, a man reading a newspaper. It was yellowed, and crinkled slightly, but the picture on the front was all too familiar, and the Doctor's knees once again became weak with his grief.

'JAMES SMITH, BELOVED HUSBAND AND FATHER, WHITE KNIGHT OF ENGLAND AND THE WORLD, DIES AT AGE 40.'

He wasn't sure what had kept him going in that moment. Why he hadn't gone back to the Tardis and properly hid his emotion, but he presumed it had something to do with Rose. She was more important, she had lost the most. Father. He was a father, he had children. That meant that _he_ had children that were alone with their Mum in this world now. He ran the entire way and wandered aimlessly until he happened upon a little white house in the middle of a normal little street. The only thing that gave it away was the door, which was painted police box blue.

Suddenly, his adrenaline had run out, and he stood on the street staring at the building, where the yard was covered in bouquets filled with white flowers of all kinds. Little cards, open letters, signs with pictures of James and his children standing and smiling and hugging, pictures cut out of old newspapers after he had saved this world again and again. His eyes, at this point, were round and wet with tears that occasionally leaked onto his face, and they snapped to the left when movement caught his attention.

The front door had opened and a little face was peering at him from the stoop. She was a lovely little thing, five or six years old with medium brown hair and big green eyes. She was dressed in frilly pink pajamas, and her long wavy hair was tied with a pink ribbon. She watched him briefly, and he took the moment to dry his eyes, tilting his head when she spoke to him with a small, but firm, voice. "We appreciate the call, but we're not taking visitors at this time."

"Hello," He managed softly, causing her to tilt her own head. "Could you get your Mummy? And tell her the Doctor is here?"

"What doctor?" The little girl demanded, crossing her arms. "Doctor who!?"

"Johanna?" Rose's soft voice was unmistakable and made his hearts pound oddly. Then he realized who he had been talking to all along, Johanna. Jo. We miss you ever so much, Jo. Before he had a moment to dart away, she appeared in the door behind her daughter and settled lovely pale hands onto his little shoulders. "What's this, then?"

"Mummy, some sort of doctor wants to see you…"

Rose's head snapped up to look at the visitor, eyes suddenly filled with pain and longing. At first, she thought it was her Doctor, but she didn't recognize him. Perhaps he was a psychiatrist then, they had had their fair share of calls asking if so and so could help. But the pain in his eyes and the goofy smile that curved his mouth confirmed it. She released Johanna and asked her to go inside before she approached, careful not to step on any flowers on her way over, her feet bare and unprotected by possible thorns. When she was only a few feet away, she smiled up at him. "I had hoped you would be here sooner," She said softly. "We buried him two weeks ago."

His smile was heartbreakingly different. "Rose, I am so, so sorry." He drew her in for a hug without any resistance and she sighed with some relief. "What…?"

"The measles," She laughed at that sadly, shaking her head. "All that work making me a clone of yourself and neither one of us stopped to consider getting him vaccinated."

He grimaced at that, shaking his head slowly. "I had not considered that he…I had not been exposed to human disease." He rubbed the back of his neck, floppy hair wriggling around, distracting her briefly. "At least not anything they make vaccines for, here."

"Come in, Doctor. You must be exhausted from breaking into this universe."

He wanted to tell her that it was pretty easy, but decided not to. Instead, he followed her inside solemnly. Johanna and her brother were sitting in front of the telly, but it was not turned on. Instead, they had coloring books spread out in front of them. Neither paid them any mind as they walked past, and when Rose asked what they were doing, Michael told her, "Making a picture for Papa."

The sound of his voice made The Doctor's stomach twist oddly and it took him a moment to process it before he walked into the kitchen with her. She immediately moved to the kettle at the stove, taking it to fill with water. "Fancy a cuppa?"

"No, thank you." He replied politely, his fingers throbbing strangely with a sensation he could not name, so he rubbed them together. He had no idea what to say, beyond, 'I'm sorry'. He could try to comfort her, try to get her to talk, in the end it was still a painful and awkward situation. He found he could not stop staring out the door after the little souls who were in the living area. Rose noticed, and watched him for a while after lighting the stove and setting the kettle on a burner. Crossing her arms, she leaned back against the kitchen counter, studying his new appearance.

"You really changed again. You look…"

"It's never a slight change," He said softly, smiling very gently at her. "They take after you."

She smiled warmly at that, the ache of grief stinging in her throat and eyes, preventing her from speaking for a moment. They did take a lot after her, but there were things, little things about them that reminded her of James. Jo's dark hair. Michael's brown eyes. The way they both looked at her like they had lived somewhere for an eternity without her. She let out a shaky sigh and swallowed past her pain. "They remind me a lot of him."

The Doctor's head snapped up at the frailty in her voice, and he was shook by the memory of her standing on the beach, asking if she would ever see him again. He had given that to her, and now, it was gone again. She was alone, only she wasn't. And after so many years, in a way, technically, he had family again. He nodded back out the way they had come in. "Do you know what I think you and your kids need? A ride in a Tardis. And wouldn't you know, I've got one parked right outside!?"

Rose hesitated and glanced back to the children, her brow furrowing. "I don't know, Doctor, they have a life here. They've never traveled before and…" She sighed, moving to the window. "I'm afraid I'm just too old for that sort of thing."

At that, he crossed his arms, his head tilting downward ever so slightly so he could level a stern glare on her, and when she looked back over at him, she couldn't hide a smirk at his expression. She shook her head, moving to turn the teapot back off. "Blast," She muttered. "Who am I kidding?" Wiping her hands on a towel, she strolled into the living room. "Jo? Mike? Let's get dressed, darlings. Mummy's friend is going to take us on a trip."

No sooner had she sent them to change, than she came back over, her face suddenly concerned. "But the reality it might not…Mum and Dad are next door. Mickey's just had his firstborn. I can't risk it."

Rolling the sonic screwdriver between his hands, contemplating how he would explain to River why he had brought home a Tardis fool of dead people, and never been born people, he smiled gently at Rose. "Then we shant. Get your family, get Mickey's. Get everyone packed. I think it's about time we blew this popsicle stand, wouldn't you say?"

Rose seemed more optimistic, but still, she looked at him with slight uncertainty. "We might not make it out…"

"We might not," He admitted, scratching the back of his neck. "But we'll all be together."


	2. So Far Away

Won't Fade Away

Chapter Two

So Far Away

AN- Thanks so much for the feedback! Keep it coming! I posted before going to bed and thought I had checked it as best as I could, but reading it this morning I realize I had two different names for 10.5 in there, and wanted to clarify that I had wanted him to use 'James'. I'm used to the John Smith stories, so clearly that was creeping into my train of thought while I was writing. Sorry!

There's a lot of talk about dimensions collapsing and such, and I know in series it was said that ALL the universes would implode. The events of this chapter are going to be explained over time so, please bear with me!

* * *

"Mum, did you want to take anything else?"

Jackie Tyler huffed as she heaved a box onto the floor of the Tardis, wiping her hands on the front of her pants. "I think that about does it, Rose, darling." She peered into the boxes and shook her head. "That Tony, turning out just like your Dad. Boxes full of nothing but books." The two girls shared a brief little laugh, and quieted as Rose looked back out onto their little planet. Their universe. Somewhere out of her eyesight James was at rest in this Earth, buried with a lock of each of the children's hair, and his wedding band. When The Doctor had first left him there with her she hadn't been certain that he was the same, and that she would love him the same way she had Her Doctor. But she had loved him more, in a way. She had been desperately in love with him, and her memories of that time were blissful and agonizing at the same time. She wasn't sure now. She didn't think she could leave him all alone in a universe that was very likely going to disappear.

Turning to the gathered parties in tears, everyone grew silent from all of the hullabaloo and stared at her. Jo and Michael linked hands and glanced at the Doctor, who was working on the controls. He stopped when he realized that he was being stared at, and glanced up past his hair at Rose, who at this point was visibly crying. "Rose," He breathed, dropping his screwdriver into his pocket and stepping over hurriedly to gather her shaking form into his arms. "Oh, my Rose."

"I…" She took several deep breaths to try and still her jaw. "I don't think…I can do this. I can't leave him out there in the dirt like he meant nothing. He was mine, he was _theirs_." She sobbed softly. "He saved us all, and he had a little shop, Doctor."

Inwardly he smiled, reminded all too well that this was indeed a piece of him that had died. Instead of mentioning that, he ran his fingers through her hair and rubbed her back until her sobs had quieted into little whimpers. Now that she was calm enough to listen, he bent his head so only she could hear what he was whispering into her ear. "I know this is hard. I have lost everything I ever loved, and I don't have a body to visit. But you've still got them. And they need you. They need their Mum to help them make this transition. James will always be with you, Rose. A living James, through them."

She clutched him tightly to her, and nuzzled into his neck, seeking the warmth of contact to soothe the cold of grief. It was unbearable, but he was right. He was always right and while he hadn't wanted to say it, she knew James lived on through him as well. And he had loved her the way James had. She couldn't forget knowing that had he not been cut off, he would have said as much. If she hadn't been trapped, perhaps, things wouldn't have changed from the way they were, but a part of her believed they would have. Finally calm enough to carry on with the task at hand, she nodded and stepped back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, not ever." He pulled the handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at the circles under her eyes, smiling tenderly at her. Above anything else, she was one of his dearest friends. Losing her had been genuinely distressing. More than he cared to admit. Straightening, he rubbed his hands together and glanced around to make sure everyone was there. "All right, role call! Rose, Rose's little ones, Jackie, Pete, Tony…" Once he was certain all were within the Tardis's walls, he went to shut the door and then hurried to the console.

"All right! We got here in one piece, the universe stayed so with any luck, it will again!" He started flipping levers and switches and turning bits. Rose watched with a pang, looking back to the door before she focused on him again. Taking a few steps over she began helping him enter coordinates, following his lead, learning a little bit like old times. He glanced up from the equipment for a moment to look at her, bent over the console with her brow furrowed and the corners of her mouth curved serenely, and he smiled to himself. That was his Rose, always keen to help out. She looked older, for sure. Her hair was quite a bit longer than the last time he had seen her, and her usually made up face was free of makeup. Little Rose all grown up, but still happy to go for a whirl in the Tardis.

With everything set, the Tardis began to make it's whirring sound as it was ripped from the universe that they had been in. The Doctor sprang from station to station, ending his marathon at the navigation screen that showed them their position, and he watched with baited breath as he steered them out of that dimension.

And he watched with horror as it crumbled behind them. All of those millions of people, lost. Originally he had not intended to bring Rose's loved ones, but he was relieved, suddenly, that he had. It was gone, and the rest would immediately follow as they ripped through the delicate fabric of time. The Doctor abandoned the controls for the little phone sitting nearby and he flipped it open and quickly dialed. They had to know, he had to tell them before it was all gone. Rose had caught on to his urgency and immediately dropped to the floor with the children, one under each of her arms, stroking their hair.

"Come on now, let's remember something about Daddy. Something you loved…"

"River!" His voice cut through the tension in the room and he sank back against the console. "River, I don't have a lot of time to explain, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about what's going to happen…"

"Sweetie?"

"River before everything ends, before we're gone. I want you to know that I…" A loud bang startled him from the call and with a heavy heart, he realized the Tardis had stopped. There was no more flying to be done and his wife on the other end…"

"Doctor?!"

He looked around cautiously, and managed a weak smile at the terrified faces all around him. Lifting the phone back up, he spoke softly, with a shaking voice. "River, how are you talking to me right now?"

Then, there were three loud, angry knocks on the door of the Tardis and the Doctor realized the line was dead. Standing, slowly, he looked at Rose as the children whispered to her, and their eyes met briefly. She nodded to the door, clutching them closer before he approached. Taking a deep breath, he reached a trembling hand and opened it, only to find River with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed, tapping a foot impatiently. "You. Landed. In. Mummy's. Garden."

Rubbing at the back of his neck, the Doctor smiled sheepishly. "Don't I always?" He gave a nervous laugh, which was immediately suppressed when he saw Amy Pond come flying out of the house with a large skillet in hand. He had never seen such fury on the little redhead's face. "Amy! Lovely to see you, you look…"

WHANG! She swung the cast-iron and it smacked into the side of the door as he ducked. Amy raised her arms and he flinched, turning his face and squeezing his eyes shut, one arm coming up to cover his self defensively. "You gave us a heart attack! River almost…" She lost her train of thought as she realized that close to a dozen people were huddled in behind him. The pan fell from her hands and the Doctor bolted from his place and onto the grass, immediately fixing a glance at the sky, which was blue and lovely as ever. Perplexed, he looked back at the Tardis, where Rose was emerging with Johanna wrapped in her arms and Michael following close behind.

"And who are _you_ then?" No sooner had the words left her mouth than she froze in surprise, looking back at the Doctor. "Wait a minute. I've seen her before, in the Tardis' records."

"Amy, River, this is…"

"Rose Tyler." River murmured, beautiful green eyes fixed on the little girl wrapped in her mother's care. They moved to the boy, and then to her Doctor, studying him. Marking possible similarities before deciding there weren't any that were terribly strong. "It's an honor to meet you, the Doctor has had so many wonderful things to say."

"He never said anything about her t'me!" Amy huffed, crossing her arms with a pout. The Doctor smiled at her and tiptoed over to hug her, immediately releasing the tension in her body.

"I did, just not in many words. Never with her name."

Amy watched as people piled out of the Tardis and she sighed, rubbing at her temples. "Uh, you uh. Brought home a lot of your pets, didn't you?" She stepped away from the Doctor, trying to mentally sort who would go where for the time being in their home, and River caught her, as she stumbled. She was steadied by her grown daughter before the curly haired woman smiled gently at her. "The things I do for my _son-in-law_."

"Thank you, Mummy." Amy wandered off to the house to tidy up and make some room and River eyed the table nearby. "I'll get some chairs and we can spend dinner outside while she gets the rooms ready. Is anyone hungry?"

* * *

By the time they had put all of the children to bed and been assured of their sleep, Rose had had three glasses of Amy's favorite wine and was slumped in her chair listening to River tell stories of her adventures with the Doctor so far. She was glad that after her own time with him, he had not been alone. She was surprised to hear that the two had gotten married, and had quietly listened without displaying any reaction. River was intelligent and beautiful and Time-Lordy in her own right, he deserved someone like her.

And she missed James, desperately. The grief of losing him and losing his resting place was overwhelming in a way. She had previously decided to turn down more wine, but when Amy came over with the bottle, she smiled at her, eyes shining with tears, and Amy frowned sympathetically before filling the glass as much as she could without making Rose look like a lush. They shared a knowing smile, and Rose took a healthy swig of the wine before the conversation was turned to her.

"And what made you want to come back to this dreary old reality, hmm?"

Rose's eyes fell and the Doctor frowned. He turned to his wife. "James, Handy-Me, passed away."

River's hand flew over her open mouth and she looked positively embarrassed to have asked, and she looked as sympathetic as her mother had. "Oh Rose, darling, I am so, so sorry." She glanced at the Doctor. "He, you said he destroyed all of the Daleks there, so, was he…"

"A dud?" Rose asked sharply, her eyes narrowing as she finally looked up at River with teary eyes. "No. He was _lovely_. He just came about the wrong way for the wrong reasons. He needed to be balanced out and he was good to me. To our kids. As good as the Doctor himself."

Jackie reached over to cover Rose's hand with hers, and she managed a sad smile, looking at River, who was mortified at her own insensitivity. "It might seem strange to anyone else but it was just like having the real Doctor there. He knew things. And he cared. He loved her. He loved his kids. He always said he lost the other kids he had…"

The memory of that conversation made her heart ache in her chest and Rose involuntarily reached over to touch his arm, tears slipping down her face. "Oh you…he talked about the fires and how he couldn't save his own little girls. And I felt his pain with him."

His eyes were suddenly glassy with unshed tears; Rose's touch burned his skin with emotion he had not thought a human could reciprocate. Not with him. The pain of surviving when his family had not was all too real and still unbearable. Rose seemed to really feel it, even though her own children were fine. But his memories of that were unspeakable, he wasn't sure how Handy had opened up to her about it, because now in this moment, he could not. He had lost everything.

Seeing all of the raw emotion in his eyes, and the pain on his face made Amy frown, she understood now why he hadn't wanted to discuss whether or not he had children. And she felt bad for having asked him so many times. Lifting her glass, she drank deep. Her eyes shifted to Rose, who was seriously broken by the differences between her half human Doctor and this Doctor. She needed the familiarity of his comfort, and that wasn't something that their Doctor could give.

With the Doctor just sitting there, staring at her and everyone else awkwardly turned away, she realized she had truly broken down now. Sniffling, she excused herself and hurried across the lawn into the house, wanting nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die. A part of her wished he had never come for them, and that she was still mourning back in that other reality. Back where she was used to everything now. She didn't know any of these people, and here they were sitting around a table making judgments about a person they had never known.

Making her way indoors and straight up to the room she, Johanna and Michael were sharing, she checked on them, brushed a gentle finger over sleeping cheeks and then went to lock the door before she laid on the floor next to their bed, protectively close just to be safe. She had too many enemies to count in this reality, and right now she didn't want to rely on anyone else for anything. In the morning she would go and find work and they would only spend enough time at Amy and Rory's home to find an apartment or a house to share with her Mum and Pete.

* * *

The conversation carried on outside once Jackie and Pete too went to bed. And it bothered him. There was camaraderie between them and that was understandable, but he had hoped that all of his beloved family would get along a bit better than this. And he felt guilty for Rose, as usual. She had lost something truly wonderful with his half clone, and she had clearly expected that facets of his personality would entirely carry over to him. But he had never been open with many people about his prior family life. He and Susan had never even really talked about home and her mother and Aunt. Home had been a distant dream for too long now.

Eventually he grew tired of the chat, and wandered off into the house. He wasn't really brave enough to face Rose just yet, but he had to do something else. He closed the sliding glass door to the patio behind him and stepped through the kitchen in time to see Rory, come home from an errand, staring out the window at his backyard, where the Tardis was crushing the flowerbed. They exchanged wary glances, and finally, the Centurion was able to speak. "How bad did you get your head caved in? And how bad am _I_ going to?"

"No need to worry, River's gotten her drunk!" Amy's loud laugh echoed through the windows, and Rory's shoulders immediately released a load of tension. "And uh, don't go peekin' in rooms tonight. Namely River's room and the guest room." Rory opened his mouth to ask why not, and he Doctor shushed him, instantly silencing him for the time being. "Don't ask questions, we're all tired tonight, we'll explain in the morning." With that, he traipsed off into the living room, lingering on the staircase as he gazed up into the top floor, wondering how to go about apologizing and explaining at the same time. Wondering if he should.

He took slow, cautious steps up until he reached the top, and then he inched his way down the hall towards River's room. The door was a beautiful oak, shining with a lovely varnish, and it seemed appropriate that Rose was hidden somewhere behind it. His stomach was in knots, but the idea that she was inside, suffering, it was unbearable. Rose had always been so lively, so beautiful and happy. She had been a wonderful distraction to the death and the mess and the pain that they had traveled through. He wanted her to have that fire back.

Reaching out, he took the doorknob in his hand and attempted to twist, but it stayed. Locked. Nothing the sonic screwdriver wouldn't fixed, but a painful reminder that she didn't want to see him, now. He thought about calling out to her, about talking her down through the wood so she could let him in and he could hold her. But he had taken her out of her world, taken her away from her grief and her life too soon after it had changed so drastically. Trying to help heal wounds, only to make them deeper, that seemed to be his legacy. He understood it all, and he could fix none of it.

He lowered his hand with a sigh and pressed his forehead to the door, shaking it softly so as not to bang against it. "Rose, Rose. I wish I knew what was going on in your head right now."

* * *

_The first time they had really connected after that day on the beach, Jackie had sent them out for groceries, and they were walking down the road back home after picking some up. He was blabbering about his adventures before her time, and she was listening, contented for now. They had taken one of Tony's buggies to push the groceries in, and Rose almost tipped it over in fright when the Doctor…or James, suddenly gave a shout, pausing where he stood. _

"_Oi! I love this song!"_

_John Lennon was singing from a shop's window radio and Rose, calming down, gave a nervous laugh. "You scared me half to death!"_

_He swept over, grabbing her hands and swinging her all over the street until he yanked her closer, waltzing with her. "Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it beeee!"_

_She threw her head back, laughing, her fingers tightening in his as they swayed to a beat that did not match the music. But it was lovely, and light, and it was the first moment where things weren't serious between them. It felt more like it used to. "You're batty, James."_

"_You love that about me." He retorted, suddenly stilling as their eyes met. Rose realizing that he was right, she had always loved the Doctor's quirkiness, and him realizing that they could connect the way she had with the Time Lord. He released one of her hands and reached up with trembling fingers, brushing the pads over the softness of her cheek. She stared, wide eyed, open mouthed as he lowered his hand slightly to cup her chin. "You…you love everything about me."_

_She nodded, her eyes watering slightly, but her mouth curving into a smile. "I do. I always have."_

* * *

Rose sat up from her makeshift bed with a gasp, it had felt so real. His fingers, the sound of the radio, the dampness of the street. The love. She suddenly felt overwhelmed with sadness, and let out a soft little sob. There was the whirring of the screwdriver, and the door popped open and the Doctor dropped to his knees, scooping her up close to him. "Shh, I've got you. I'm here. I'm always here." Her anger from earlier was forgotten, she wasn't ready. She needed him, and she buried her face in his shoulder. He was so different from her James, and her Doctor, and yet his soul, if that's what it was, was the same. She felt safe with him.

For a while he held her, and she fell asleep again, her dreams peaceful now. He lifted her and settled her in the bed next to the children, making sure her head was comfortably on the pillow before he stood back. "We'll get you well. I promise." He turned to leave and paused, blinking past his own sadness at the sight of his wife in the doorway. She looked sad, sadder than he had ever seen, and it made his hearts thump oddly.

She didn't say anything, she just stepped quietly into the room and pulled him into a hug, soothing his own pain and sadness while Rose slept hers away for the time being.


	3. Wouldn't It Be Nice?

Won't Fade Away

Chapter Three

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

AN-

Thanks again for the lovely reviews! I'm glad that you are enjoying the story! A lot of you have mentioned how sad it is, and it really is. I want to get Rose through the hardest part of grieving, if I do my job right, you'll be experiencing quite a few emotions with the gang here! There will be happier times, don't worry.

I've already finished most of the story's outline, now the hard part is just writing up all of the bits! I will update as fast as my ideas let me, please always feel free to share your own ideas with me!

One last thing, I made a big mistake in the last chapter (and realized after posting). Paul McCartney is the lead vocal on Let It Be, not John Lennon. I'm not terribly Beatles savvy, but I ought to have known based on his voice alone.

* * *

When Rose woke again the next morning, the children were not in the bed beside her. She panicked for a moment, jumping to her feet and scrambling across the floor to the door. Only then did she realize she was not in her room in her own house back in the other world. Her heart slowed a bit, and she looked around River's room for the first time since she and the children had been assigned it. There were few pieced of furniture, a dresser, the bed, some sort of trunk at the foot of it. On the dresser were several knick knacks, photos in frames. Rose stepped closer to look at them. A lovely portrait of River trussed up, one of her with Amy and Rory, one of just Amy and Rory and one of her, the Doctor, and her parents.

Rose sighed and turned back to the rest of the room, and noticed that there was an attached bath. And something was sitting on the side of the tub. She stepped over, and flicked on the lights, tilting her head at the towel, clothes and note sitting on the side of the built-in tub.

_Rose Dearest,_

_The Doctor is going to watch over the children for a while this morning, have a bath and take some time to yourself. _

_River._

Rose smiled to herself and set the towel and clothes on the counter that the sink was set in. A bath sounded lovely, she couldn't remember the last time she had the opportunity to soak in a tub without being worried about what the kids were up to. With the Doctor watching over them, she truly wasn't worried.

* * *

"All right!" Smacking his hands together, the Doctor turned to look at the two people seated at Amy's dining room table, and he smiled at them. "What do we want for breakfast, then? You can have anything at all, doesn't have to be a breakfast food." He heard the plumbing start upstairs and paused to stare at the ceiling, his smile widening before he looked back down at them as Michael spoke.

"French toast?"

Johanna's face lit up and she moved onto her knees on the chair, making it easier to see over the table. "Ooh my daddy used to make French toast with powdered sugar and blueberries!" Her tiny arms flailed in her excitement, and the Doctor's hearts gave an odd, fond thump as he looked at her. She had Rose's eyes, but she certainly expressed herself the way his former incarnation had, whereas Michael was more reserved and charming, like his Mum.

"Your daddy used to cook? Well?"

"He only ever made French toast," Michael said softly. "Mum wouldn't let him make anything else."

"Well if he could do it, I certainly can!" No sooner were the words out of his mouth than Amy came into the room, snatching the pan he had been planning to use. "Oi!" She stuck her tongue out at him and hurried to the fridge, grabbing eggs, milk and oil from the cabinet. "I'm making them French toast!"

"_We're_ making them French toast," She huffed. "You have never made it and you are not burning down my kitchen." He relented with a glare, and Amy showed him how to mix the batter and then how to coat the bread before she showed him how to properly heat the oil in the pan and fry the pieces up. Once the heat element was gone, she let him dress the slices in the sugar and berries before he served it to the kids, and then to himself and Amy, who munched while cooking up more for Rory, Pete, Jackie, Ricer and Rose.

The Doctor was all too pleased with the happy faces that Jo and Michael made as they ate, and when she was full, Jo came to give him a mighty little hug before hurrying off to find Tony and tell him there was French toast. He watched Michael finish, and noted that the whole time, he had made minimal eye contact. Clearing his throat, he asked gently, "Are you all right, Michael?"

"Yeah I just," The boy took a breath. "I'm not sure what to think. What to feel."

"That's normal after a loved one dies."

"I know," He said. "But I don't know how to handle all that, and then knowing that you're my dad, too."

Amy spun to look at him, then the Doctor, and her eyes were about as wide as they could get. Sputtering, the Doctor dropped his fork and tried to think of what to say to that. "M-michael I…I'm your father I guess in a basic way, genetically, but I'm not your Dad. You don't have to feel anything for me. Your Dad is the man you knew all those years."

"Who is you, when it call comes down to it."

_And I am him._

He had nearly forgotten that they were a quarter Timelord, and thus, a little smarter than your average human children. Managing a soft smile, not sure what to think or feel himself, he reached a hesitant hand to touch the boy's. "Let's…get to know each other, yeah? We'll figure out the rest after that."

Michael contemplated this, then nodded, smiling a little more. "Okay. Do you know how to play football?"

"Do I? Course I do! Why don't you get your sister and your cousin in here to eat, and we'll all play in the back?" Michael dashed off to do so and the Doctor sunk a little into his chair, looking to Amy, who was balancing finishing the cooking and glancing over to guage his expressions. When she noticed he was looking at her, she shut the pan off. "I have no idea how to play football…or how to deal with this."

"Does River know that you're their father?"

"Course she does, she understands how this all works." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't bring them back because they share my DNA. I brought them all because they belong to her. And she's family, like you and Rory are."

Amy watched him briefly, then reached to touch his shoulder. "I'll feed Tony, and the grown ups, and Rory can play with you all and help you look like you know what you're doing." She nodded to the downstairs bathroom. "Go on and clean up, you're covered in sugar."

* * *

Rose had a lovely bath, and after cleaning up after herself (River was kind enough to be so hospitable, the least she could do was keep the place as nice as it was), she finally made her way down the stairs to see about breakfast. By then, Rory and Tony had eaten and as she came around the corner of the stairs, she could see them, the Doctor and her children in the yard, playing football together through one of the windows. She smiled, rubbing her shoulder as she passed, suddenly tensing and becoming more nervous when she came into the kitchen and found Amy eating her own French toast.

The redhead looked up at her and offered her a smile, nodding to the plate of food near the stove. "Help yourself, there's plenty." She watched Rose, with her smile still intact. The blonde nodded and smiled graciously, starving now, but she paused when she saw what was on the serving plate, French toast with blueberries. Her stomach twisted, remembering the way James would flip the pieces in the pan, thrilling the children. If only they had seen him learning to make the toast when they were newly married, or how many had flown out of the pan and onto her cupboards. Or how many pans she had had to throw out after he had forgotten them on the fire.

Her eyes misted over, but she quickly regained her composure, grabbing a clean plate and a fork, she scooped some toast up for herself, and went to sit down. No sooner had she dropped into the chair than River had appeared in the doorway, awake and content after spending the night in her room on the Tardis. She and Rose locked gazes, and she smiled politely at her, and moved to get her own food while Amy jumped to her feet to dispose of her plate. Before she left the room she opened her mouth to ask a question, and then decided not to.

River sat and Rose turned her fork in the soft food, suddenly losing her appetite as the room grew thick with tension. For a while, they sat in silence. It was strange, knowing that the Doctor had married her. Not to speak, or think, ill of her. She seemed lovely, and bright. Someone well suited for him, just the idea of him marrying anyone was overwhelming. Finally, River broke the silence in the room, glancing out the window at the boys and Johanna playing in the grass. "I did not intend to speak poorly about James…"

"It's fine."

"It's not," She said firmly, with a gentle expression. "I didn't know him, neither did the Doctor, really. You did. And I believe he really was lovely after he was with you."

Rose swallowed past a lump in her throat, and nodded, appreciating the apology and the fact that someone got it. She looked up at River again. "I'm sure you've made this Doctor lovely too, since he regenerated."

"Lovely? He's not lovely, he's horrid!" She exclaimed playfully, but almost not jokingly, the only thing giving it away was a small smile on her lips as she attacked her breakfast again. "Always where he doesn't belong and always saying something to get on my nerves."

They laughed together and Rose had to set her fork down, for fear that she might fling it waving her arms around. She didn't think Amy would thank her for getting silverware stuck in her plaster. Still, it was a good feeling, one of the best that she had had in days, and she was grateful for that. Smiling over at River, the two shared a brief, friendly glance before finishing their meals to head outside and see how the match was going. Both went to sit next to Amy at the outside patio table.

They had split into teams, with Michael, The Doctor and Tony on one and Johanna, Rory and Pete on another. Michael gave his team their advantage whereas Rory gave his own that advantage, both doing all of the scoring. River fell into the spirit right away, her smile spreading infectiously onto Rose's face as she whooped and hollered and cheered. "Whoo! Yes, that's it! Get the ball, Michael!"

"Come oooonnn Jo!" Rose clapped loudly, trying to rouse the mopey looking little girl. "Don't let them win just 'cause they're bigger!"

Rory took notice of her and lifted her up under her arms, dashing across the grass to use her to smack the ball, gently enough so as not to hurt her but hard enough to send it flying, into the other team's goal. When it scored, Rose and River shot off of their feet, and Rose ran over and scooped her up, the victory handed to their team. The others all came over to shake hands, and when Rose was done kissing her daughter's face, the Doctor came over to pinch her cheek lightly. "Well done!"

"Did you see me do it!" She gasped, jumping up and down. "I was awesome!"

He swept her up as if he had a thousand times before and spun with her lifted in the air, making her beam down at him. "Yes, yes you are, you darling little thing!" River's heart caught in her throat and she smiled to herself, glancing over at Rose for a moment, smiling at the peace that was all over the other woman's face. She inched closer.

"I don't think I'll ever tell him to his face," She admitted. "But, I think he'd make a fantastic Dad if he didn't have so many cares in this world."

Rose smiled at that, nodding. "I think you're right."

Amy stood and strolled over to Rory, who was wiping his face in a clean towel that Jackie had just brought out, having done everyone's laundry. If she was going to be a guest, not only was she going to clean up after herself, she was going to be as helpful as she could. Seeing his wife in the corner of his eye, he lowered the white fabric and smiled as she stepped right up to him and pressed a loving little kiss on his lips. "What's that for, then?"

"That was wonderful, she's so happy."

They turned to watch as Jo darted across the ground, stretching her arms to her sides as if she were flying, making her brother shake his head and sigh at her. The silly things that the little girl did always made him huff a bit, Rose supposed he was just getting to be that age. Rory and Amy thought it was the cutest display of affection that the siblings could have.

"Do you want another one?"

"This one is just fine, thanks." Rory nodded to the towel in hand, and when she shot him an exasperated look, he stiffened, trying to figure out what she had meant. "Oh uh. Let's see. Another uh…" His eyes widened suddenly. "Another baby, you mean?"

"Didn't exactly get to do much with the first," She pointed out. "Weird pregnancy, weird birth, non-existent bonding until she was older."

Rory looked to Michael now, and watched the little boy observe everyone. The corner of his mouth quirked, but he sighed. "I'd love to, Amy, I would." She lit up, and then settled when he looked at her with sober eyes. "But I don't think we're ready right now. We need to get our house back, see what's going on with River. See about staying in one place this time."

"That would seem to be the better way to go about it." She let him loop an arm around her waist, settling her head into his shoulder as they continued to watch. "But I think, eventually, we'd love it."

"Course we would, daft girl," He smiled when she glared up at him. "It would be _us_. Just like out Melody."

Sometimes Rory Williams (Pond) said things like that, that made Amy forget he had ever made her mad in all the years that they had known one another, and those little moments made everything worth everything else. She smiled giddily, leaning more into him, imagining a little boy with his eyes and her fiery red hair.

* * *

The day came and went, much faster than the Doctor would have liked for it to. Amy made fish fingers, chips, and of course, custard for him. Rose's children had been apprehensive but had enjoyed the meal after trying, pleasing Amy to no end. Tony would already eat just about anything. Rose had nibbled, mostly at her chips, and she and River had chatted about places they had visited and their fondest moments with the Doctor. As for the Doctor himself, he had watched with a smirk, knowing the two would get on fine if they would just give each other a chance.

After dinner, they were off to bed, and the Doctor followed them to make sure Rose fell into a peaceful sleep before he left her side. He took River into the backyard and to the Tardis, where she made them tea and he immediately delved into his research. While he did consider it a very good thing that they hard all survived the trip out of Rose's world, and, that only her world had collapsed, he also found it to be strange, impossible and frightening, in a way. He HAD to know why.

Buried in books in the library, running searches on the computer, he finally came across a small passage on the database and he flipped into three books to read more about the race that had come up. River entered, her teacup and saucer in her hands, her brow quirked curiously as she leaned to look at the text he was devouring. "The Auteurions?"

"Curious," He admitted, finishing his sentence before he glanced up at his wife. "Have we met them, in your time?"

"No," She replied. "But I've read a bit. Do you think they had something to do with our currently in tact world?"

"I don't know, but I suppose we should sleep on it before investigating too much further," Shutting the book he was currently concentrated on, he sighed deeply and stood. "Good night, River."

Before he could dash off, River set her cup on his desk and grabbed his arm, pulled him against her for a brief, but tantalizing kiss. "Mmm, g'night." She winked at him and took the tea down to her bedroom. He watched her disappear into the doorway and quickly used a video link to check and make sure Rose and her children were asleep before he too dashed off down the hallway. He had a long night ahead of him, after all.

* * *

_Rose stared in awe, the pain of her hard work forgotten now that the worst was over. James was standing there ahead, tears filling his darker eyes, the bloody, squalling babe that she had delivered held in his hands, near to his chest. The delivery had been rushed, her symptoms had come faster than they had anticipated. Before they had a chance to get to the hospital, she had needed to push, and Michael had been born in only a handful of such pushes._

"_Oh, hello, darling!" He whispered, his voice wavering with emotion. "You darling boy," He looked up at her with bright eyes and a wide smile. "Rose, it's a boy. Our Michael."_

"_He's perfect." She breathed, as he walked closer and settled the baby into her arms and against her bare chest. _

"_You were perfect," He said softly, bending to kiss her forehead. "I love you so much, Rose. So much. Thank you for him," He stroked a finger across the baby's cheek and stared at him, eyes still glistening with emotion. "For my perfect little son."_


	4. Turn and Face the Strange

Won't Fade Away

Chapter Four

AN- Thanks again for all of the reviews, faves and follows! Please keep reviewing! I love to hear what you have to say, and love when you ask questions, because then I know what to be clearer about and whatnot!

Italicized points in this story, even just small lines, are memories. Larger sections from Rose's POV are memories that she is dreaming about. So far she's dreamed about James and her goofing around and the day Michael was born.

* * *

He had come inside for food, and had been started to see that he wasn't the only one awake in the house. So much so that he had nearly fallen against the door leading into the backyard from the kitchen. Rose had glanced up briefly, and bit back laughter, shaking her head as she smirked and continued reading ads in the paper. He noticed that Pete was up and moving as well, hunting down a box big enough to stuff Amy's vacuum, which he had programmed into a cleaning machine. But no one else was up and in the kitchen. Rose had a cup of coffee and was dressed in a lovely dress suit, with her hair piled high.

"Hello," The Doctor managed, very quietly. He creeped over to the fridge and dug out an orange, then started hunting through the drawers until he found a crazy straw, glancing at Rose again, very appreciatively as he popped it through the skin. "What are you off to today?"

"Job interview," She said matter-of-factly. "Mum is going to get the kids up and feed them today, and I should be back shortly after breakfast." She noted his mussed hair and odd sleep attire, full length white pajamas. "You're up early."

"Always," He said, sipping at the straw, amazingly, getting streams of juice as if they were coming out of a glass. "Lots to do, even before the sun is finished rising." He toyed with what to say next in his mind, for a bit. She had gone back to her paper, and he couldn't help but marvel at just how grown up she was. His Rose Tyler, a Mum looking at job prospects in a newspaper, wearing a suit. His mouth was quirked oddly, and she looked at him again, raising her brows in curiosity.

"Sorry," He murmured, shaking his head. "Sorry you just…you look beautiful."

Rose blushed instantly, ducking her gaze as she tried to pretend she hadn't gasped in delight. "Oh I.. thank you, Doctor. That's lovely of you to say."

"I mean it." He fixed her with a 'this is my meaning it face' before he turned and left the room. Pete stopped pretending to still be busy and glanced over at his daughter, an eyebrow raised. "Oi, what sort of married man says that?"

"He's not just any man, it didn't mean anything," Her good mood was instantly gone, and she gathered her things and made her way out the door. Ahead, the Tardis was lit up, the door cracked, leaving a glowing gold pattern across the yard, and the Doctor was hurrying across the grass with his orange. River had her head peaked out from the doors, and Rose swallowed a sigh before going to catch her taxi. Somewhat convinced that seeing the Doctor with the other woman didn't bother her at all. The car wasn't there yet, and so she stood outside the front of the house.

Turning her head, she swore she saw James in the corner of her vision, and dropped her things with a gasp. But when she turned to face him, he wasn't there. He was never there. But the spring breeze was warm with his familiar scent, and she swore his eyes were on her. It made her chest ache terribly, and her eyes watered immediately. So much for that. Even his ghost would be welcome here instead of the gaping hole that her blood somehow managed to pump through every single day. She could live with a ghost. It certainly was easier than a Timelord and his wife.

* * *

The children were up and fed and bored, River and Amy had gone to the market and Rory was at work. Alone in the house with only Jackie (who was scrubbing the place clean, doing all the new laundry and the dishes) and the kids, the Doctor could only think of one thing to do with them all. That was why they were scattered around the control room of the Tardis, washing, tightening and following his instructions as he performed repairs and tinkered a bit. Tony was the tougher of the three, and helped with the heavier lifting, while Michael seemed to have a natural feel for the Tardis and the way she worked, and helped with the more mechanical and computer input areas.

When little Johanna huffed and asked why she didn't have a special job, the Doctor and the two elder boys all exchanged smiles before he looked at the little girl, who was standing on a stool with her arms across and her beautiful little face turned in a pout. "Of course you have a job, little darling, your job is to look smashing for us!"

That made her beam from ear to ear and she continued to do just that. Most of the new parts installed, Tony helped them finish the navigational repairs, as Michael adjusted the dematerializer. No sooner were they finishing up than River entered with some potted plants, and she gasped as she looked around. "It looks fantastic in here!" Her eyes leveled on Jo, who beamed at her. "Ah no wonder! A beautiful little girl to brighten the place up! What a lovely job you've done!"

She was tickled pink by this, and ran out of the Tardis yelling for her Grandmum to inform her of how pretty she was. Michael shook his head, finishing up the repairs on a little creeper under the panel, his tongue stuck in the corner of his mouth as he focused on what he was doing. The Doctor and River exchanged glances, hers a little more impressed than his, and he smiled back nervously. "How was the market?"

"We got a roast for tonight, it should be lovely." She checked her watched. "It's half one. Michael, isn't your Mum back yet?"

The boy finished what he was doing before he slid out to look at his sort of but not really stepmother. "It's not weird for mum to disappear when she gets…overwhelmed. I expect she went and got ice cream and a good read." He wiped his hands on a work rag and stood carefully. "Y- I mean, my dad, he used to rub her feet and tell her stuff when she got like this."

River made a noise of understanding and set a plant on the dash, earning a little glare from her husband. "Perhaps I'll surprise her with one later." Her voice was a little too sing-songy and the Doctor frowned. "What? I'm serious, I know what it's like, living here. I can relate."

"She likes you," Michael noted, not looking at either of them. "She said you were sweet." He didn't wait for her to respond to him, just nodded at the Doctor and grabbed Tony to take back inside and see about lunch. River watched him with moist eyes, and then she cleared her throat softly.

"He's something."

"He's her," He said softly, staring out the door as the boys marched off. Getting lost in his thoughts before he returned to finishing up his tasks. "Johanna is flighty and silly, like me. Michael is careful and he's got her huge heart."

River frowned, dropping her gaze before looking at him with concerned eyes. "Doctor, these are not your children. They aren't you. James created them, he helped bring them into that world, he raised them and made their French Toast. You don't even know them, really." She saw the pain flash over his face and moved to slip her arms around him. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm saying this because Rose will leave here eventually, and you won't see them every day."

"I know. I know it all, River, but they are mine genetically. I can't ignore that." Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he closed up the console and fired it up, pleased to see that Michael's hard work had restored everything that had been damaged in the crash. He powered it back down and rubbed his hands together. "So. The Auterions. I can't seem to figure out what motive they would have for saving existence. They seem to do nothing but barter amoungst themselves and breed."

"Typical humanoids on an Earthlike planet," River tsked, smirking at the strange look he gave her, in turn making him smile. "Perhaps they just didn't want to be blinked out of existence?"

"Perhaps," He nodded. "I was rather reckless. I expect an angry letter from every species."

"There are thousands hidden in a bag somewhere, I'm sure."

Running his finger along the console he was lost in his thoughts again, and he looked over at her with a smile. "I was a Dad, once. Before. A long time ago."

She rubbed his shoulder tenderly, managing a soft smile. "No one in the universe has lost as much as you and not gone mad and destroyed a whole lot more, Doctor."

"I have though, I've ruined a lot of people trying to make things 'right'."

She smiled warmly at that, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You still have time to make up for that. Come on, Mummy's starting the roast. Let's tell the children about your adventures with their Mum. It'll be a good story to keep them from running amok before dinner."

* * *

Rose got in about an hour later, when the roast was popped into the crock pot and Amy was just sitting in the kitchen with a book. Everyone else was scattered through the house doing other things, waiting to be called to eat. The petite blonde smiled awkwardly as she slipped through the door, sensing Amy's eyes peering over her book, studying her intently. "'lo." She called once it was shut, smiling a little more over at the Doctor's other companion. "Something smells great."

Amy closed the book quietly, set it aside and went to peak into the pot, waving Rose over. "The most heavenly combination of meat and vegetables cooking in their own juices." They both took a big breath for a good, strong whiff of the contents, sighing blissfully as they exhaled. "You've been gone a long time today, then."

"Just needed to clear my head," She said softly, her head snapping up. "Were the children all right? Did something happen?"

"No, no, they're just fine." She motioned a thumb back toward the living room. "Doctor is telling them all about traveling time and space with ya. I have a feeling we'll have a hard time getting them to dinner." At that, she stepped a bit to the crock pot, peaking into the glass lid.

Rose tiptoed to the doorway to peek in and listened as the Doctor told them about the tellies being possessed before the Queen's coronation. It was strange, hearing these tales being passed down from a stranger, even though he was such a familiar spirit. The children, of course, were enthralled, and the sight of them, sitting on their haunches, mouths and eyes wide open, made Rose's heart swell slightly.

Her eyes moved up to the Doctor's left, and met River's brilliant gaze. She automatically smiled at his other companion, his wife, and she quickly looked away at the concern on her face. She evaded them quietly and slithered down the hall to the second stairway that led to the upper level. She darted up them two at a time, not pausing to think about what River's glance had meant, because it was wrong. River looked at her with concern because she didn't know where Rose's mind was at.

Then again, neither did Rose.

Stepping into the room she was sharing with the children, she was hit with familiarity. The warmth of James' smile, the silly way his glasses hung off his nose and the way he smelled when he wanted to be alone with her. It was a burning reminder that he was gone, pain that came back when she was just starting to cope. Like waking from anesthesia during a surgical procedure. The feeling hit her chest hard and she slumped to the floor, holding it, gasping for air despite the terrible pressure. She could almost see his shoes on the floor next to her, hear him asking if she was all right.

But he wasn't there to save her this time.

The door burst open behind her and she felt strong hands grasp her shoulders. "Breathe, Rose, just breathe, you have to breathe, focus." Soon she realized the pressure had passed and now only sobs were holding her back from air. She realized the voice belonged to Rory, and Amy was in the door, watching with wide, wet eyes as she witnessed the attack. The nurse, struggling to get her to focus, lifted her chin with two of his fingers. "You have to try and focus, Rose."

"He-he won't stop, he won't leave me be and it's so _h-hard!_" More wheezing gasps and Rory gave up trying to calm her down. She kept sobbing as he stood and went across the hall to the bathroom and retrieved a kit. River and the Doctor had since ascended the stairs and Jackie and Pete were right behind them, with Jackie yelling for everyone to get out of her way.

Rory shoved his way back in and knelt next to Rose, brushing hair from her eyes. "Rose, I'm going to make you calm down, okay? It'll be all right, I promise." Her sobs were frantic and he tsshed her, shaking his head. "I know it seems hopeless, just hang in there a moment."

"Poor girl," River breathed, clasping at the Doctor's hand as he watched with tears in his own eyes.

The last thing Rose saw before the prick was the small smile that the Doctor managed for her when she looked up at him. He and River caught the children as they ran toward the door and prevented them from seeing her that way, and the agony in her chest vanished. She looked up at Rory as he withdrew a hypodermic from her arm and he smiled at her the same way the Doctor had. "It's just a sedative. You're going to be fine."

She shook her head, losing grasp of consciousness as she fought to stand, but stumbled onto the rug. He and Pete lifted her and placed her into the bed. "Not so long as he hangs around here." She whispered, her eyes fluttering shut before she was out for the count. Jackie stayed at her side, stroking her hair and wiping the makeup and tears from her face.

Rory collected his things and, watching her sleep a moment, stepped into the hall, closing the door most of the way. The Doctor was standing just outside with Johanna in his arms, her big, beady eyes upset as she looked at him. "Uncle Rory, is Mummy going to die like Daddy did?"

He frowned at that and shook his head, reaching the brush a finger over her cheek. "No, little darling, she's just very, very sad. She's just going to take a nap for now." She looked at him hopefully and he smiled sweetly. "And when she gets up we'll be all washed up and have a lovely dinner ready, now, won't we?"

"Yes! Come on, Doctor, let's wash up!" She wriggled in his arms to try and convince him to steer them back downstairs and he laughed, nodding in agreement.

"And set the table!" Amy called as he carried her down the stairs making Tardis sounds. River and Michael exchanged a glance and he managed a brave little smile for her before he followed his sister and the Doctor down to wash up. River glanced at her parents, then her bedroom door and crossed her arms over herself.

"Can you imagine a loss that devastating?" She murmured, glancing back at them. Amy's eyes were glistening, but she smiled lovingly at the other woman. "Well, I don't suppose you have to, hmm?" She cleared her throat, trying not to let her own eyes well over. "I wish I knew what to do to help her."

"She has to take it a day at a time. I think she just lost her footing," Rory said gently, kissing the top of Amy's head. "We'll all just have to work to help her find it again."

Amy pressed into him for a moment, grateful for his presence after having lost him as many times as she had. But she had never lost him as permanently as Rose had lost her Doctor, the human one. It was an idea that the little Scot could hardly fathom at all. "Come on, River, let's get cracking on that dinner. Rory can keep watch until she wakes up."

* * *

Rose's eyes fluttered open and she sat up slowly. She had no idea how long it had been since Rory had given her the sedative, but it was quiet. Too quiet. No sooner had the thought been processed than the darkened room was suddenly lit by golden, shimmering light, and James' spectre, or image, or her own mad imagination was standing there watching her. He was wearing the same white t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms that he had had on when she had brought him into the hospital with a fever and bumps sprouting.

Her joints went numb when he smiled at her and he bent so they could share eye level. He didn't speak, didn't move much except swaying slightly from time to time to keep himself balanced. And then, "Rose Tyler-Smith, you silly little nit. You haven't got anything to say to me?" His eyes were sparkling with life. He was smiling like someone with the whole world at his feet, and it made her heart ache for him.

"No, because you're dead. And if I start talking to myself, I'll know how mad I am." She muttered, scooting back on the bed and drawing her legs up against her chest, keeping her eyes to herself for fear that she might see more of that life in his. "You need to go away, it's not good for the kids, me being locked up in my room all the time."

He sat on the edge of the bed, now. "Well you got one thing right, Rose. I am dead." She could feel his cheeky little grin without even seeing it. "But haven't you realized yet, my love, that we aren't in the same room that you feel asleep in?"

Her eyes snapped in front of her, to the side, and all around and she realized it was true. The room was bare except for the bed, the walls were cement and the sheets were plain and itchy. It made her heart start to pound in her chest and she tried to jump away, but he grabbed her wrist, finally getting her to look up into his eyes. "What is this? What've you done?"

"This is a sort of visitation area, Rose, for Timelords." The thought made her huff but his face was honest, gentle, patient. Doctor. She sat up and he heard her whisper his proper name under her breath and he smiled. "I guess you might call this Heaven. Anyone with Timelord in their blood comes here when they die, they're all here. My family, my Susan…" He trailed off. "Our children and the other me, the proper me, they'll be here too, one day."

Her gut sank at that, and she felt tears overwhelm her vision. "So I'll really never see you again."

"There's something that we can do to change that." He pointed his hand and a little flame shot from his index finger, forming into a little ball of light and fire. "Follow this. And we'll be together again. I'll tell you what to do once you've got there."

She didn't even think to question him. Standing from the bed she followed the light, transfixed by it's glow. Down a hall first, then a flight of stairs and two more halls before she passed into a room that smelled different. Looking around, she saw strange plants sitting around a little shallow pool of water with a sign, "Please do not feed the pond-plants." She shrugged off the idea, and followed the light, which had paused in front of a door made of metal and latches. She reached and tried to pull it open, but it did not budge. "James, I can't get past this! What do I do?"

"Find the screwdriver. It's on the ledge just there." Turning she saw him leaning against a wall, watching her with a proud smile. She smiled back, and turned to the window nearest her, where the familiar blue screwdriver was sitting. Picking it up, she pointed it at the latches and pushed the button.

One of the plants shot up from the ground.

* * *

"Rose, what are you doing!?" The Doctor made a running leap from his seat at the table and all but tackled the petite blonde, taking his screwdriver from her hand. She called James' name a few times and battled against him like she was fighting for her life. "Rose!? It's me, it's the Doctor! What's the matter?" Her eyes kept moving to an empty corner of the room and he frowned, taking her head into his hands. "Rose I'm sorry." He pressed his forehead to hers and read through her latest memories. Waking up in the wrong room, her talk with her dead husband, following the light through the strange building that was really Amy and Rory's home, disguised by a nasty perception filter.

She came to in his arms, bared to his ancient sights, and she collapsed of the traumatic force that it left in her. Stroking her hair, he picked up closer to him and sat down, cradling her body. "I don't know what put those thoughts in your head, Rose, but that wasn't James. It wasn't real, there's no such place and you cannot change your DNA like that, I'm sorry."

Clutching him, she said nothing. She cried softly, and calmed down when the numbness took her over. Amy helped her crawl off to clean herself up and River hurried over to him, touching his hand ever so gently. "What could have done that? What happened?"

"Something made her believe her dead husband was trying to help her find him in a magical Timelord heaven," He stood up. "And we're going to find out what it was and make it stop before something much, much worse happens to her." He glanced to his wife, managing a tight smile. "I hope you're up for another all nighter, River. We've got a lot of research to do."


End file.
